E-nuf is E-nuf

No, I didn't spell that wrong. That is the name of the new nail polish I'm wearing.  We will get back to that in a minute...

I started writing again with the intention of being completely open and honest about my struggles and lessons and all the new things I'm learning. As it turns out, it's not nearly as easy to actually do it as I imagined. If you are a close friend of mine, you likely know everything about me. But, if you are just an acquaintance, I'm very good at pretending like everything is just fine and I have it all together. I don't mind talking about my kids and our struggles with them. It's so comforting knowing there is army praying with us for them. But when it comes to me, oh how I hate to be vulnerable. I hate to have to rely on other people for help. I hate to be useless. I hate feeling inadequate. I hate not being able to help myself. I hate being a burden. 

At this moment I'm sitting in the doctor's office, waiting to see her for a pre-op appointment. I'll be having my left ovary removed in the morning. Not a big deal. I'm cool with the surgery. I'm actually looking forward to feeling better and not being in pain all the time. My issues come from the fact that I will be pretty useless for the next week. Next week is a really big deal around here. Monday is HGs big appointment with the immunologist. This is the appointment we've been waiting for since December. I can't be there. I know Channing can and will handle it; but I want to be there. Tuesday, Whitt will have his tonsils and adenoids removed and then spend the night in the Children's hospital. I'm hoping and praying I'll be able to go, but realistically, probably not. I know that things will be fine and handled well without me. I do know that. I have the best friends and family in the world. I really do. They've already made plans to take care of me and all my people. But y'all, that's my job. I want to do my job. I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I'm so thankful for all the people in my life. I'm so thankful that they understand and know me well enough to know that if asked, I won't let you do anything. By the time I woke up yesterday, everything had been handled and they just told me what would be happening. So, family, thank you. Thank you for putting up with me and dealing with the crazy emotions and drug induced panic attacks. I love y'all, and I'm sorry I don't say it enough. 

Now, about the nail polish. My bestie came to see me Sunday. She brought me new nail polish because she just knows me and knows that my nails are always painted. Lately I've been wearing a very dark color. She handed it to me and told to quit wearing to dark stuff. I needed a happy color. She was right. It's pink or red, depending on the lighting. I painted my nails, and for the first time in days, I smiled. And then I looked at the name... E-nuf is E-nuf. Yep. I have had enough. Enough of feeling sorry for myself. Enough of wondering why. Enough of this terrible attitude. I have an amazing family. I have a husband who adores me. I have friends that should qualify as family. I am blessed  beyond measure. Why do I always forget this? Why does it take me completely falling apart to remember that God has got this? I'm so glad I have my girls who don't hesitate to remind me. That's love, people. Friends who keep reeling you back in. 

So today, and in the morning, I'm going to keep looking at my nails, and continually be reminded that E-nuf is E-nuf. I would appreciate the prayers for a quick recovery, and messages that tell me to chill out will be welcome too! 

Friday Funny

No, Friday funny will not be a theme. I'm not funny. But this is, and it happened to me today, a Friday morning. Enjoy.

Blocked

I haven't had much to say lately. That's my only explanation for my absence. Honestly, I've been in kind of a funk lately. Being in a funk has led to my inability to write, or even really think clearly. It's actually pretty difficult to admit that. I might as well admit that this isolation has been a little more difficult than I had anticipated. However, I've had some bright spots in the last couple of days.

First, Hannah Grace looks amazing. Her eyes are clear and bright. The dark circles that have plagued her are almost gone. Her skin is clear and full of color. She added a little height and gained some weight. She looks healthy. She sounds healthy. She had the booster shot we were waiting on, and now we wait for February 24, the day we do the blood tests to see if the shot worked. I have every reason to believe that it will.

My Bible Study group started back this morning. Oh man have I missed those girls. I haven't really seen them since the first of December. Sitting and visiting and praying was exactly the lift my spirit needed. I really think the best medicine in the world is quality time with close friends. I hope they always know how thankful I am for them.

Lastly, my Mama is coming to spend the weekend with me. Sometimes a girl just needs her Mama. I hope my girls always need/want me this way. Being an adult and a parent has given a completely different perspective of my own parents, and a deep respect for them. I can't even begin to explain the depth of the relationships I have with each of them. I am continually thankful for their presence in my life, and I know that I am so very blessed to have the relationships that we do.

Hopefully getting back to some of my normal activities will get my mind going again. I'm starting a couple of new books, and so far I'm sticking to my Bible reading plan. I really like the one I picked out. My next goal is to get back to running. I need the weather to cooperate a little bit more before I take that on.

I see the light at the end of this tunnel. I am trying to be patient as we make our way towards it.

Warriors

Know that saying "It takes a village."? Turns out, I need an army.


Not long ago (October to be exact), a friend called me a warrior. I thought she had lost her mind. 

It was a Wednesday morning, Bible Study day. The day of the week that gets me through all the others. I need to give you a little description/background about our group. We've been together for three years now. This small group of women is fiercely devoted to one another. Some days we don't even make it to our study. Some days we only pray. We've been through a LOT together. We are each other's strength. The words uttered in this room, the prayers prayed are closely guarded by us all. I will say that every prayer begins with a thanks to God for each other. Wednesday mornings are my refuge. 

So anyway, it's Wednesday, and I'm coming off of a bad week. Hannah Grace's test results had come back, and all I knew was that I had to wait six more weeks to see a specialist. For me, that was eternity. I was on the edge of getting my answers, and now I has to sit and wait for six weeks. I don't remember what I prayed that morning, I just remember involving the ugly cry and not being able to catch my breath. Every woman in that room prayed for me and my family that day. They picked up the slack for me, that's just who they are. Our leader always closes out prayer time. FYI, she's one of my favorite people on this planet. In her prayer, she called me a warrior. I remember raising my head, tears streaming down my face, and thinking, "she has lost it, I'm not a warrior." 

I know warriors. A warrior is the mother who fought for her son when the doctors told her at 18 weeks he wouldn't live past delivery. A warrior is the mother who fought for the life of her twin boys while her body was trying to reject them. A warrior is the same mother who fought for the child she knew was out there in world waiting for her, she just had to find him. A warrior is my grandmother, who fought every single day of my father's childhood to make sure he kept breathing. Those people are warriors. Those women are God's magnificent soldiers. Those women put their children's lives in God's hands with no question. Those women fought fiercely for their children, trusting God the whole way, never knowing what the outcome would be. I know these women well, I know their struggles, but I didn't think I was anywhere close to being like them.

Robin's prayer sat with me for days. I was extremely shaken by it. Maybe there was something to this. Warriors are good fighters on their own, but when fighting together for one cause, they can be unstoppable. What better description could there be for Christian mothers? In a rare moment of clarity, it hit me. I am a warrior. I am God's warrior. Every single day I fight a new battle. Some days, I have my fellow warriors with me. The term "prayer warrior" has new meaning to me now. We fight every day in our homes. We fight for our children the moment we know they exist. We fight to win their hearts for Christ the moment they arrive. Somedays we have physical battle wounds ( black eyes from a head butt anyone?), but I would be willing to bet most of our scars are hidden. Before I acknowledged my warrior status, I hid my scars. I pretended the wounds didn't hurt. Now I have a whole army to share them with. Every mark has a story and a lesson. My fellow warriors get it. We know that we all fight different battles, but our war is the same. We fight for our King. Our battlegrounds may be kitchens and playgrounds, homework and chores, some of us will have to fight in hospitals and doctors offices; but we fight so our children can know their King. We fight for their hearts to love Him and trust Him they way we do so that when it's their turn to take on the fight, we will have trained them right. 

Yeah, we mess up; way more than we get it right. But, that is where having your other warriors close to you comes in handy. They take over when you can't. After all, WE ARE ALL FIGHTING THE SAME WAR. They brave carpool for you a few days. (We all know the danger there). They bring food when you're too exhausted to cook. They show up at your door and take your other kid and refuse to speak to you so you won't argue. It's a give and take. It is a constant fight. But we are fighting to expand a kingdom. We begin the fight in our own homes, we take it to schools and playgrounds and daycares.  We band together and fight wherever our families gather. It's our purpose, our job, our path as mothers. We fight for our husbands, we fight for our children, we fight for our families. We fight against a relentless enemy who seeks to tear our world apart. But we know our King has already won. So we fight with a ferocity that only those sure of the future can. I fight so my children will know the certainty of eternity. 

"Train up a child in the way that he should go, so that even when he is old, he does not depart from it." Proverb 22:6

In Between Thoughts..

I have made it out of the bed this morning. I've been in the bed, pretty ill since Friday. I hate being sick to point of not being able to function. Anyway, I'm better today. While I was away though, something crazy happened. The last post got somewhere around 750 page views in about 36 hours. WHAT?!?!?! That kind of freaks me out a little. Ok, a lot. I just put down thoughts that had been swirling in my head. I really hope I have more thoughts to sort out soon...

So, while I'm working out some more thoughts, I'd like to ask for your prayers for us Monday. Hannah Grace will finally be getting her booster shot Monday at 1pm! She knows about it, and she seems good. I just ask that you pray that this shot works. We will have to wait six weeks before testing can be done to know for sure. Also, Monday is going to be the coldest day in Mississippi in more than 3 years. I hate the cold, HATE it, and I've tried very hard to keep my girl inside, away from the crazy MS weather. We now must be out, traveling in it, all day Monday. I would really appreciate your prayers for travel mercies, but especially for HG's little body, that it would accept this booster, and that this would heal her immune system.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future."

The Worst Cliche Ever

"God won't give you anything you can't handle."

I despise that statement. If you have said these words to me, I've probably smiled politely and just nodded my head. I've only ever addressed my real feelings for these words to Channing. Lets just say he wasn't expecting my response.

I know that most of the time this is used in conversation, it's used to be a comfort. A way to explain the unexplainable. But friends, it is not comforting.  That is the last thing that a person in the midst of a trial wants to hear. When you are struggling with helplessness, no sense of control, completely overcome by the winds of a particular storm, you DO NOT want to hear that you are just suppose to handle it. Maybe it doesn't come across to everyone the way it does me. Maybe some of you do find comfort in this statement. I don't. For me, when this is said, it's putting our God in box. Limiting His abilities, fitting your definition of Him into what you think will make you comfortable. Putting your own perceived strength above what He provides for you.

The most important lesson I've learned this year, is that I have no strength. I can not handle anything on my own. Every single moment of difficulty I was faced with this year, my first thought was "I can't do this." Then I came around to, "OK, I have to do this." So I tried. I did everything I knew to do. Guess what... My strength, my abilities, were not enough. I sure tried. I tried to hold everyone together. I tried to keep my sanity. I tried not to let everyone see how distraught I was. I'm a great actress. For about 8 months I had everyone fooled. It all came crashing down in September, when Channing got sick.

We were in the ER in Jackson. It was chaos. He was in more pain that anyone I've ever seen. I was alone. His family was in the waiting room, but I was with him in the back. I had to communicate with the doctors because he couldn't. There was nothing I could do but stand, watch, and answer questions. I have never felt more useless in my life. We were there for hours. Somewhere during this, my pastor called. He had heard where we were, and wanted to check on me. At the end of the conversation, he told me how proud he was of me for handling things the way I had. That I had done so well, and what a testament it was to everyone watching. When we hung up, I lost it. He had no clue. He had no idea that I wasn't handling things. I was dangling by a thread. I wasn't handling anything, and sure didn't want anyone to know it, but I felt so guilty that I let everyone believe this. I desperately wanted to call him back, to beg for some advice, but my pride wouldn't let me. I cleaned up my face, took a deep breath, and walked back in Channing's room, still telling myself I could handle it.

Fast forward about 10 days. Different ER, same scene. This time though, I've been pushed out of the room. I'm watching five different people work on my husband. I'm standing behind sliding glass doors. It's like a scene out of a movie. There was nothing I could do. It was quite literally taken out of my hands. I finally started praying. I don't even remember what the prayer was, I just remember it being a desperate plea to make it all stop. We made it through that day. Things were starting to change in my heart. I remember driving back to Greenwood to get the kids settled. I called a close friend, and cried and yelled most of the way home. I was angry, I was exhausted, I was confused, and I was hurting. I don't remember much about what she said to me. I just remember her saying she was praying for strength. God will get you through this.

Fast forward one more time, about 8 weeks now. Channing has recovered from gall bladder surgery and the shingles. Hannah Grace has recovered from the chicken pox. We've gone through extensive testing to find out why she's sick. We've now seen an immunology specialist because we know something is wrong with her immune system, we just don't know what. It could be minor, it could be major. She has stayed sick for about two solid months. I'm struggling with whether or not to take her out of school. I have finally found the end of my rope. I have nothing left to give. I've done every single thing I've been told to do for her for more than two years now. Nothing I've done has worked. I feel a helplessness and a fear I never thought possible. It's a Tuesday night, I'm alone in my living room. I was catching up on my Bible Study and reading through some verses some of the girls had sent to me. I started to cry. I was finally broken. I hit my knees, because I could no longer hold myself up, and I begged God to take control. I begged for forgiveness for resisting for so long. I finally gave it all over to Him. I finally laid it all at His feet. I finally acknowledged that I have no strength, only what He gives me each day.

I finally felt free. I finally felt peace. I finally understood what it meant to give God control. I thought I had believed it before. I'd heard testimony from so many others, but I'd never been tested like this before. So, if you told me that "God won't give you anything you can't handle", you were wrong. He had to give me something I couldn't handle. He had to make me trust Him. He had to make me completely helpless with no options left of my own. It's the only way I would learn. It was the only way I would grow and become closer to Him. We have to be stretched and molded, constantly taught new lessons. If we aren't, how are we ever to to recognize His greatness? We must always acknowledge how helpless we really are. Every gift we have, every ounce of strength we feel, it is all from Him.  The Lord answered my prayer in a mighty way that next morning. We got a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and a timeline for everything to take place. We have been supported and loved by friends and family. I haven't been as resistant to help as I was. I am thankful for the lessons, even though they were so difficult.

I'm finally ok with knowing I can not handle anything. I'm ok with letting God have everything. I know I'll still stumble. I know I will still need to be reminded. I hope you, my friends, will do that for me.

Reflections and Resolutions

2013 is over. I can't say I'm sad to see it go. This was probably the most difficult year of my life. It did go by extremely fast, but that didn't make it any easier. I feel like I earned adult status this year. I'm not sure how I feel about that either... 

There were definitely some high points. I traveled outside of the U.S. for the first time. It was amazing. I got a nephew this year! And, I'm going to get a new sister in 2014! I watched my brother find his dream job, and now I'm watching him excel at it. Construction started on our new store. I went on my first business trip with Channing. I was given a place to use my voice again. I made a new friend; the kind of friend that you feel like you've known your whole life. 

The most important high point though, is my relationship with God. I can say with absolute certainty that there would have been no change had the hard stuff not happened. So, while I'm not sad to say goodbye to 2013, I wouldn't change anything.  I learned more about grace this year than I ever thought possible. I learned what it means to be completely helpless and have nothing left to rely on but God's strength. I learned how to really pray. (I have a whole other post on that.) I learned that it is ok to ask for help. It is ok to be vulnerable. I've learned how to be thankful for even the smallest moments. 

That brings me to my resolutions. I'm don't usually make them, but I did last year. I am ashamed to say, I did not meet a single one of them. So for this year, I've made the same resolutions again. I've decided to share them so that maybe my friends will hold my accountable. 

I want to read through the Bible this year. I started last year, and made to April, the week we all got the flu. I never caught up again. I've signed up for a reading plan to help. I really like the layout of the one I've chosen.  I'm hoping this will help me be more intentional with my quiet time too. 

I want to run a 5k this year. I started training last year, and then got hurt four days before my first race. I can't even begin to tell you how upset I was. I never got back to training because all the health issues started right after that. I just want to be healthier this year. I discovered last year that I actually like the running, so I'll start with that. 

2014 has the potential to be an amazing year for us. There is a lot happening that we are really looking forward to: the store opening, moving, C.J.'s wedding. It is going to be busy. I pray that I take all the lessons I've learned this year, and use them to make this the best year we've had.  My Bible app sent a challenge to pick out a verse for the year. One I could go back to continually and make it my theme. I've decide to use two verses from Psalm 27 that a good friend sent to me back in the fall. It gave me great comfort and hope then, and I want to keep it close for this year too.

Psalm 27:13-14 "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

"Over" the Holidays

This is going to sound awful. Just thinking through it in my head makes me cringe.  So, I'll just say it. I am so glad Christmas is over. There, much better. Now, I will explain.

I was really looking forward to the Christmas holiday this year. I bought my tree early. I put it up the week of Thanksgiving. I started listening to Christmas music as soon as I could find it. I was determined to enjoy everything about Christmas this year. Whitt is a little older, all my kids travel just a little better, I have a brand new nephew who would have his first Christmas. It was a big deal around here. I was excited about all the family gatherings and watching kids lose their minds together. And then we got Hannah Grace's test results. On that day, (the Wednesday after Thanksgiving) my world shifted. I will say here, that I had prayed for that day. I had prayed without ceasing for the answers. The Lord answered in a mighty way. At 9:30 on that Wednesday morning, I got my answers, my solution, and my timeline. By 10:30 that morning, I had her withdrawn from school, decided to fast forward our moving day by five months, and rearranged every single family Christmas gathering we had planned to our house. As the next couple of days went by and things slowed down a little, I began to want to withdraw. I knew that keeping her home was right. I trust her doctors, and I trusted my own mind because I knew this was the answer I prayed for. But I started to panic. I hadn't bought one single Christmas gift. I had just invited every member of our combined families to our house for Christmas. What in the world was I thinking?!?!  Another few days and the panic started to pass. I could do this. I have been in countless ERs and doctors offices this year, and  I wanted Christmas. I could, I WOULD handle this. I wanted a house full of family, even if I did have to walk around with a GermX bottle. I wanted to cook. I wanted to host. I wanted to show off my cute, little Christmas tree. I wanted to brag about my new skill of making a real fire in a fire place. So that's what we did. Even with some last minute rearranging because of fevers, the families rallied and made this an amazing Christmas. My family was spoiled by everyone, loved on by more people than I can count. I watched my nephew have his first Christmas and was given the gift of a future sister in law all on the same day. Still wondering why I'm glad it's over?

I'm two days from 2014. 2013 has been a roller coaster of epic proportions. I want 2014 to be better. I want 2014 to go a little slower. I want 2014 to be a little easier. I'm not expecting that to happen though.  I know that the first thing we will do in this new year is get the booster that Hannah Grace desperately needs. I'm ready to start the clock on her treatment time. In the first month of 2014, we are moving. It's going to be wild, but I'm ready. 2014 is going to the opening of our new business. This is a huge step out of our comfort zone and a massive leap of faith. But I'm ready to see God's plan unfold for all of this and our family. A pastor friend of mine, Matt Redmond, had two amazing posts today of Facebook.  I'd like to share those with you:

It's possible greater things are not to come for you, your church, or your city, in 2014. Christ will still be faithful.

Make a reverse resolution to look back on all the joys, regrets, and losses of 2013 through the lens of "Christ and him crucified."

Woah. I love God's timing. I love how God uses His people to speak to the rest of us. I love the gift of communication given to pastors. I love and am very thankful for the gift of technology that allows us to access each other more freely. I love that I have the opportunity to benefit from teaching all over the world. So, I will take these two statements, I try my best to approach 2014 with this perspective. 2013 was not easy, and most of it wasn't fun, but Christ was ALWAYS faithful. The lessons I've learned, the ways I've changed, I'm so thankful for that.  So yeah, I'm over the holidays; I'm over 2013. I'm ready to see what more I will learn in 2014. And for one of my resolutions, I'm going to try my best to share it with you. 

Bringing it Back

So I've decided to resurrect the blog... after almost three years... That is a very long absence, I know. But, if you know us, and I assume that you do if you're reading this, then you know we've been through a lot this year. You know that it hasn't really been the easiest year for us. There have been countless lessons learned. In the midst of all of it, I've really needed an outlet to organize my thoughts. I've had friends and family to lean on and talk with, but I just have this feeling that I just need a place where some of this is recorded so I can look at it later. I have several posts swirling around in my head right now. I'm really looking forward to finally getting all of it down. Some days it may be simple, random thoughts; some days it may be long and deep. Who knows! So join me as I ramble on, it could be entertaining!

Cuz I Promised...

I'm sitting here with my Chann, half watching opening night of baseball. I'd be way more into it if the Red Sox were winning, but since they aren't, I'm looking for distractions. I figured, what better time than to write about the play? I did promise, and I hate to disappoint, HA HA HA... so, here goes...

That's our poster, pretty cool, huh?


I believe I told you about auditions, and how this all came about. So I guess I'll just tell you about our performance weekend.  We rehearsed for about 8 weeks, 3 nights a week. Yes, it was long, and yes, it took up alot of time, but it was completely worth it. I can't imagine a better way to come back to the stage. The entire cast and crew was absolutely amazing; one of the best groups I've had the privilege of working with.  The thing I love about theatre is its unpredictability, and how no two performances are the same. You never know how your audience will react, or what things might fall off a wall.

We opened the play on Thursday, March 25. We had done a full dress rehearsal two days before for a small audience. It went very well, but there is nothing like opening night. I have to say I was fairly calm, only a very small case of nerves. I was still feeling great about the Tuesday night rehearsal. First, I need to tell you I was pretty sick through this entire thing. The week before, I had to leave a rehearsal because I was about to pass out. I was better by Thursday, but no where near well. For the entire weekend, I had to time coughing spells around applause and blackouts. Like I said, unpredictable. Thursday night gave us a small crowd, mostly our older patrons. Throughout the entire first act, we didn't hear much feedback from them. By the time we got to intermission, we were all a little panicked and nerves had come back because we thought that we had messed up somewhere. Stacey, our amazing director, came backstage to assure us that we were doing our jobs correctly, it just didn't seem as if our audience was very into it. They made the decision to extend intermission for a few more minutes to give them some time, and that seemed to do the trick. Act II was like a new group of people. We finished strong and ready for Friday.

Friday and Saturday night we alot alike to me. Great audiences, almost full house. Another thing about being a stage actor is that you feed off of your audience. If they have a good time, we have a good time. We already love what we're doing, but if you like what you see, we seem to find a way to take it to a new level for you. These two nights were so much fun to me. I had alot of support in the crowd, and it seemed like our group really got comfortable under the lights. (FYI, they are really bright, hot lights)  We had some pretty memorable moments in both performances. If you are familiar with the movie, you know that at some point Bender must climb to an air vent in order to make his was back to the library. On Friday, the vent fell off, during a black out. We didn't know why, or how, or if Scott (our Bender) was hurt. The crowd thought it was hilarious. There was no time to investigate, the show must go on! Do you remember the scene immediately following that, when Bender is back in the library but must hide under the table to avoid being caught by Vernon? So, on Saturday night, things are going pretty smoothly. This scene was always a problem for me, because I was trying very hard to maintain a ladylike position and not flash the audience while Scott was messing with my legs. It was much harder than you think. He was only supposed to tickle a couple of times, nothing big, but enough to get a reaction from me and the audience. I was supposed try to kick him or step on his hand, whichever happened first. Well, on Saturday, he had some fun with it. The audience was rolling with laughter, so he kept on and on and on and on.... I really tried to hurt him that night, but it never worked. The entire time our Vernon (Cathy Roberts) is immediately behind me trying to make her point and I could not turn to face her. She finally yelled "Look at me young lady!" All I could do was lower my head where my hair covered my face and just furiously shake in back and forth. There was no way I could look up. I was trying very hard to keep my composure, and it just wasn't working. Overall, both great performances.

Sunday was a good and different. Sunday is always a small crowd, and the crew is always a little tired. But, I have to tell you we went out with a bang. It ended so quickly and suddenly though. It's not a long show to begin with, but once it starts, it's like all of a sudden it's done, and that was it. There would be no more Breakfast Club.

I have to give a shout out to my cast mates. I can't imagine there being anyone else to fill these roles and come together as a group the way we did.

To Nichole:  Girl, I have known you since you were tiny! I stayed with you when you weren't quite big enough to be alone. I'm so proud that we had a chance to reconnect as adults and work together. You were wonderful, and I'll never look at bologna or Captain Crunch the same way again!

To Blake:  You must know that I "Thank" you are so adorable. I mean that in a puppy kind of way, but do take it as a compliment! You, my dear, have an amazing amount of talent, and I can not wait to see what you are able to do with it. It was such a treat to get to work with you, and I really hope that in the future we might have the opportunity to do so again!

To Daniel: Sweetheart, you amazed me! Your ability to perfectly recite a 6 minute monologue while simultaneously delivering a convincing fake cry was outstanding! The only time our audience was completely silent was because of you! The way that you perfected the Tarzan yell, unforgettable! I sincerely you hope you grace our stage with amazing presence for many years to come!

To Scott: I heard it said many times. There could not have been a better Bender unless Judd Nelson from 1984 walked onto our stage himself. I'm so honored and privileged to have been able to witness your first major on stage role. You were perfect. You are also only the second boy I have kissed in about six years. You should feel privileged too! Ha! It was so much fun to be your opposite. I hope you enjoyed the experience as much as I did. Oh yeah, and I really hope you don't have any scars... Plenty of memories made, I don't think you need the scars as reminders...

To Mrs. Cathy: Oh Vernon, what can I say? You and I have been through many a production together. Whether it be a GLT or PA, you were always there to help and lead or fill whatever role might be lacking on any given day. From this first time we worked together, and I honestly don't remember when that was, you have been a huge fan and supporter of me and what I consider my small talent. If it had not been for your encouragement, I don't think I would have stayed for auditions that night. My, what I would have missed! I was such an honor to be back on stage with you as well! I'm so glad you chose to make this show your big comeback to!

And last but certainly not least, to our directors: Stacey and Mr. Ted.... To the both of you, what is show without it's leaders? What is a director without a vision? You both had the vision and the uncanny ability to lead us, to show us what must be done. You both were amazing in your encouragement, and gentle but firm in your criticism. You made us want to make this show amazing for you. You made us want to be the best that we could imagine. Thank you both for giving me the opportunity to get back into theatre. I wasn't sure if I would ever have this chance again. Thank you for making me remember how much I loved it then , and finding out how much I can and do love it now. I really really really hope we can work together again. It was a thrilling ride, and it ended so quickly, but it's not likely one I will ever ever forget!

So Much in So Little Time...

There is so much going on in and around my little life, I can barely keep track of it all. I should be doing independent posts on all these various subjects, but I just don't have the time! Maybe I'll get around to it in a week or two...

First, the play was an amazing success! I'm still getting feedback from people who came to see us, and so far, it seems to be a unanimous "Two Thumbs Up!". I must brag, I think we were pretty awesome. We worked very hard and put on a fantastic production. Of course, none of would have happened without the direction of our fabulous directors, and the various others who supported us on and off stage. I think I will try to do a whole post on this, just not sure when...

Next, not many people know, but I was very sick throughout the last two weeks of the play, including the performances. My allergies and asthma have been worse than I've ever dealt with since we moved home. Chann finally convinced to go back to my doctor in Jackson. I'm so very glad I did! On Thursday, I found out my windpipe had closed off to about 60%, which is not good. After a breathing treatment, and several hundred dollars worth of meds, I think I'm finally on the mend. There is still the topic of a possible sinus surgery this summer, but we will address that later. I'm just so happy to be breathing again!

Now, we are finally preparing to move out of Daddy's house! Yay!!!!!! After many, many months of living together,( I must say it has gone very well) we will be living in a place of our own. Guess where? His front yard... Haha! Channing and I recently purchased a new mobile home to live in for a little while until we are ready to build a place of our own. Daddy gave me/us my inheritance early, so our ultimate plan is to build out here by him. I told everyone that when we moved back that I wasn't ever leaving again. I don't think anyone thought I meant it this literally. However, we, and Daddy, are thrilled. He can see us and the girls whenever he wants to, and we have the convenience of country life and close family. It's all we've ever wanted. Final preparations are being made as I type this, and hopefully we'll start the process of moving tonight.

Finally, I have a big week coming up! On Wednesday, Mama and I are flying to NYC! I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself! Mama has to go for a work conference, but she is taking me along and we're going to stay a few more days and have our first ever Mother/Daughter trip! We went to NYC once before, 10 years ago actually. I was in the 9th grade and singing with the chorus at Pillow.  It was a great trip, but everything was so structured, and we've always talked about what we would do differently if we got to go back. Well, we're finally getting to do it our way. This is also my official celebration of my 25th birthday. I wanted to do something big because I'm not really thrilled about leaving my early 20s. I've really enjoyed them, and I guess like a majority of people, I don't really want to address the issue of aging.

I could absolutely do an entire post on each one of these topics. But I may have to only choose two of them. I'll be back next Sunday, and I'm sure I'll have lots to share about our trip. Have a wonderful and blessed Easter!

Much Love!
Michelle

"They Only Met Once..."

"...but it changed their lives forever."

Can you name this tagline?  I'll give you a clue...  Teen angst, 1985....

Ok, you should have it now, but if you don't, I guess I'll tell you...

The Breakfast Club


This is my latest project! I made mention of it last week, along with a promise of a whole post explaining how it came to be. Well, here it is....

Back in October, I auditioned to be a part of the Greenwood Little Theatre's first running of "The Breakfast Club". For those of you that don't know, plays or musicals are a huge part of my childhood/teenage history. I did my first play at GLT when I was 10. I did a play every year up until I was 16. I was a junior at Pillow at the time. For reasons I don't remember, we didn't do a play my senior year. Well, scratch that, we did a senior play, but I don't really count that one. Anyways.... After moving back home in August, I stumbled upon a piece of information about auditions for the stage version of this movie. I kinda freaked out. "The Breakfast Club" is one of those movies that no matter how often it comes on tv, I'm gonna stop to watch it. I also feel the same way about "Dirty Dancing", "Footloose", "Grease", and just about every other movie from the 80s. So, I see this ad and all I know is that I want to be involved. I've really missed being involved with a theatre and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to become involved again. I couldn't think of a better play to start with. I mean, I have the movie as a reference, and it has the benefit of having a small cast. Perfect! But, I soon realized there might be a serious problem... I've been removed from high school for a long time. I'm no longer in the appropriate age bracket...  I made a few calls and got back in touch with some of my old theatre friends, trying to find out if it was even worth the effort. They told me not to worry about the age, just give it a shot. Well, I did. When I went to audition, I was terrified. Not normal for me, but hey, it happens. I looked around and realized I was definitely the oldest "kid" there. I went to read for the roll of Claire ( Molly Ringwald's role).  I am not exaggerating when I say I just about walked out.  I couldn't see anyway that I would be cast, no matter how convincing I might be. But, I didn't leave; I stayed and read for Claire. Total audition time was about 30 minutes. I left, knowing that there was no way, NO WAY,  I would get that part. I was completely fine with that too. I had offered to help in whatever capacity I might be needed. I would just get back involved slowly with behind-the-scenes roles.  Well, obviously, it didn't turn out that way. Two days later I received a phone call from our very enthusiastic director, telling me that he would be honored if would be his Claire.  The answer I gave him was, "Are you sure?" After a strange laugh, he said that he was sure, and then I asked, "But do you know how old I am?" He assured me that he did, and that it didn't matter, I could pass for 17 any day. I'm still trying to learn to take that as a compliment....

So, here we are, 5 months later and 1 week from opening night. It has been so awesome being back on stage and working with the group that we have assembled. Our cast is amazing, our crew is phenomenal. My family is both amazing and phenomenal for allowing me to do this. It has taken up alot of time for the past two months, but I think the end result will be worth it. For me, this is the ultimate adrenaline rush. The moment before the lights come on and the curtain goes up, the only sound to be heard is your own heartbeat. That is the biggest rush I've ever felt. It's hard to explain sometimes to people who've never been involved in theatre. All I can do is compare to an athletes biggest win,or a card player's winning hand.

I will end by inviting all of you to attend one of the four performances next week. If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment here on my Facebook page!


The Greenwood Little Theatre will present "The Breakfast Club" written by John Hughes on March 25, 26, & 27 at 7:30pm and March 28 at 2:00pm.
This is the first stage production of the '80's Classic Movie in North Mississippi.

Stacey Joiner, Director and Ted MacIntosh, Assistant Director.

Admission is $15.00 for Adults and $5.00 for Students.

Parental Guidance Suggested (Adult language)

Cast:
Bender, the Rebel...........Scott MacIntosh
Allison, the Recluse..........Nichole Henry
Claire, the Beauty...........Michelle Montgomery Hodges
Andrew, the Jock............Daniel Myers
Brian, the Brain..............Blake Harthcock

Principal Vernon.............Cathy Roberts
Carl, the Janitor.............Steven Gray

Parents......Larry Myers, Elaine Tharpe, Freda MacIntosh
Brian's little sister....Taylor Bush

And We're Back!

We're Back!!!!

Finally, I'm back in the blog world... took me long enough...  And, just in case you've been hiding under a rock for the last 7 months, we're back in Mississippi! Greenwood, to be exact.

There are not enough words or ways to explain my excitement and thankfulness at being back home! Growing up, I counted the days until I would be able to leave; but after having been gone for about  6 years, there is no where else I'd rather be. We moved home on August 1 after a long year in Ohio. I tell everyone that it was definitely the right move at the time, and we'd make the same decision again, but one year was enough! If you think it's been cold here, you should have seen what we lived in up there! And get this, it last about six months! I don't EVER want to experience that again! I am looking forward to a summer full of humidity!

We've been really busy since we crossed the state line back in August. We immediately got Emma set up for 3k at First Pres. (Amazing!, but that's a whole other story.) Daddy didn't waste any time getting Channing working. Thankfully for us, they get along and work together so well, and business is good. Hannah Grace is growing faster than a weed, and I just want to cry every time someone asks have I thought about her birthday yet. I'm refusing to think about it. On top of all that, I wasted no time in jumping back into one of my favorite hobbies, theatre! At the end of the month, Greenwood Little Theatre will present "The Breakfast Club". It is going to be great! Rehearsals are keeping my very busy and taking up all of my spare time, but I love it. More on that to come!

I'm hoping to be a little more faithful to the blog this time around. It seems like every day I have something new and funny to talk about. With two girls, my life is never dull. Have a great day and week, and I hope I'll be back really soon!

New Posts Coming Soon!

Hey Everyone!
I know it's been a long absence, but I'm working on some updates. Things have been really busy for us since we moved back, but I'm finally where I can update things pretty regularly. Check back soon for something new!

3 Weeks Old!

I can't believe it's already been three weeks! Hannah Grace changes some every day. This week, she's on a three to four hour schedule. It's closer to three hours during the day, and four at night, which is nice.  We introduced her to the swing, which she loves!  She seems to recognize our voices, and she follows sounds pretty well. As for her size, I'm not sure about a weight, but I can tell you she can wear three month clothes already. We totally skipped newborn and most 0-3. 

In other news, just in case you haven't heard, we're all coming home this weekend! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. I didn't decide until a couple of days that I would make the trip, but I just couldn't stand it. I've never, ever been this long without being home. And, I'm so ready for everyone to meet Hannah Grace! We'll be leaving early Thursday morning and going straight to Jackson. We'll be there through Sunday, and leave again early Monday morning. It's a quick trip, but it will be worth it! 

I'm going to leave you with a picture from this morning. Have a great day, and we'll see you soon!

2 Week Check Up

Today, my baby girl is 2 weeks old...

Time is already going by too fast and I want it to stop! She changes a little every day now, and I really just want her to stay small for a little while longer.  We went for her check up today, and of course, she's perfect! Already growing at fast pace... my girls have no aversion to food! She weighs 9 lbs. 4 oz now!  Her jaundice has completely cleared and left her with a beautiful pink complexion. Her hair, when clean, is a very light color, almost blond! I hope it stays and that she doesn't go bald like her big sister did. Right now, she still really only eats and sleeps, but yesterday she had two good times of being awake. She's more alert now when she is awake, and can follow voices. She has adjusted herself to a 3 hour feeding schedule, which is much more convenient than the two hour one. As for food, she's finishing 4 oz almost every time she eats! Like I said, no problems there!

Things here couldn't be much better. Hannah Grace has made this transition to having two girls much easier than we expected. Emma has been very good with her, and has finally gotten over her fear of holding her. It melts my heart every time she kisses her or gets upset when she hears her cry. I know that a day will come when don't coexist as easily, so I'll enjoy every moment I can where they adore each other. 

She's Here!

Yes, I know, I'm about a week late.....

But, it's been a busy week for us, so I'm sure you forgive me. 

First, her stats:

Hannah Grace Hodges was born on April 27, at 4:23 am. She weighed 8 lbs 6oz, and was 20.5 inches long. 

We are calling her Hannah Grace. We still weren't sure if we were going us the double name or not, but that's what keeps coming out when I talk to her or answer people when they ask her name. Emma tends to lean towards Hannah,  but that's her choice. I'm going to spare you of all details of the delivery, except to tell you it went well, with the exception of going way to fast and no epidural, only a spinal that didn't last very long.  Anyway... I'm fine now. A little traumatized that day, but fine now. 

The doctors let us go home on Tuesday, which I was very excited about. I didn't want to be in that hospital bed any longer, and Emma wasn't very fond of me being there either. Once we got home, she completely became the attentive big sister. She still hasn't held her yet, but she wants to do everything else. She's been really excited the whole time, especially now that both her Mimi and her Granny are here entertaining her every need. 

Speaking of the mothers... they have been a God send. I've done nothing but get to relax and enjoy Hannah Grace. They cook, clean, do laundry, and keep Miss Emma occupied at all times. I'm spoiled rotten, and I have no shame in admitting it! Right now, the three of them are out shopping with a massive grocery list and enough cooking ideas that should feed me for months. I'm trying to decide the best way to keep them from leaving. 

Here's a link to the Facebook photos Channing has posted. This is much easier for me, and you get a bigger variety to look at. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2164283&id=26506735&op=6

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2164848&id=26506735

Any Time Now...

So we had another appointment yesterday, and I got the news I've been waiting to hear! 

Hannah Grace could be here at any time! 

I'm was so excited I didn't know what to do! Then, I got home and realized what all I had left to do, and went into panic mode. I think the whole "nesting" theory is just a nice way of saying soon-to-be mamas panic when they realize how close things are. I accomplished alot, but today I don't feel so hot because of all the work I did last night. 

But, the details... I've already dilated to 2cm. I really felt like things had started because I knew throughout the day Sunday that she had changed positions. I was right. She's dropped down to where she's supposed to be. So, once again, we wait. I could go into active labor today, or two weeks from now. I'm just glad to know that things are progressing. I honestly do feel like it will be sooner rather than later, just because the contractions are pretty constant. Even Emma seems to think her arrival is very close, because the first thing she said to me this morning was "Mama, I think Hannah's coming. She wants to see her bed." (Emma helped me put together the Pack N Play last night that Hannah will stay in for a little while.) I couldn't do anything but laugh at her and tell her that she just might be right. 

So for now, I'm just hanging out, doing as much around here as I feel like I can to get everything in order. I really hope that I don't end up being one of those people who thinks she's in labor and then gets sent home though. From what I've been told though, you just know.  I'll try to keep things updated as much as possible from this point on.

Waiting...

I know, I'm still slacking on the updates. But, the truth is, there's not much to talk about except how miserable I am right now, and how crappy my patience is. So, I've decided to spare you from most of that and only write when I have something worthwhile to share.

We went for our 35 week appointment today. I've gained 5 more pounds in the last two weeks, which officially puts me in the normal weight gain range. It also means I've gained more this time than with Emma. According to my doctor, she believes Miss Hannah is already very near to 7 pounds. She says that if I do go all the way to the May 10 due date, she could easily put on another couple of pounds. I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of delivering a 9 pound baby...

I'm really not anxious about the impending arrival. Maybe I should be, but the constant back pain, and also the fact that Emma's arrival was smooth, really has me very calm about it. I just hate the waiting. I've done pretty much everything I can to get ready, so now all I have to do is wait. Patience is not my virtue. So for now, I guess I have to tough it out; I mean, what choice do I really have. From now on, we'll be going every week, so maybe I'll have more to talk about!

Just a Quick Update

Just wanted to give everyone an update, and let you know that we're still here, eventhough you haven't heard from me in a while. Last week we were really busy with three different sets of house guests, but I must tell you, we had a blast! Emma was so happy to have some many different people around to spoil her with attention! Channing and I were so happy to have other adults in the house! We started out with Mr. Ray, Mrs. Raye, and Landon while they had Spring Break. Oh my goodness! So much fun, and so much food! I think I ate more in those four days than I have since we moved here. They came loaded with more food than clothes! Most of it was seafood that does not exist in this part of the world. Let me tell you, Emma was not the only one spoiled during their visit! And, I am not ashamed! They next weekend, we got to have Chad and Mr. Tommy Strickland for one night during their annual sheep finding trip. Again, Emma was so happy to see her Doo! We fried fish and just hung out here because they had to leave so early Saturday morning. On Saturday, our friend Austin came over. He's working here alot at the Honda plant in Marysville until the summer. We usually get to see him on the weekends he stays here. Emma thinks he's another one of her Uncles, and follows him around like a puppy. She can say his name right, but she tries to combine uncle and Austin into one word. It's really funny, and Austin doesn't mind. It's always funny to watch the two of them.  This coming weekend, my mama is coming for the first time! I can't wait! We're gonna pick her up from the airport Thursday afternoon and we get to have her until Tuesday! 

I really do love having people here. It gives me something to focus on and think about rather than dwell on the time I have left before Hannah gets here. Everything up until now has flown by so fast, and now it seems to be dragging again. I know I felt the same way with Emma, but as soon as she was born, everything flew by. That's when I wish time would slow down a little. As for the little one, everything is still the same, which is good. It's all just a waiting game at this point. Only about six weeks left!